I cockslap morals
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
