Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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