My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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