Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She's the barista slut.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
