we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
