Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
