She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
