p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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