my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
