I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
