I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
