my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
