i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
