So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
