When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
