Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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