It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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