She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
