He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
