Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
