There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
