I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
We named our party play list daddy issues
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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