So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.