Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
