You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
