At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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