Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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