Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
