fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Bring me that man meat
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize