Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
