Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
