Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
