mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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