YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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