i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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