yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
