don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
