I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
