high people should be assigned attendants
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
