those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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