I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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