Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
