i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
