The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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