At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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