We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
