Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
