It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
