I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
