is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
