That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Couch. On fire.
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