Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
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she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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