3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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