This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
