I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
