I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
