Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
