I hate your face
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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