You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
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