there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Randomize
