I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
