Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize