Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dignity is for republicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I got inside last night via doggy door
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize