I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
