And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
