Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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